Why Am I Here?

The struggle is real. What was I created to do? I thought I knew. Well, kind of sort of. I have experienced segments of clarity. Let me dissect that statement a bit. I would describe myself as a person of faith, a church member, a giver, a praying woman, a bible reader, and a spiritual person. I am a curious person, and I fully came to realize in 2006 that God is bigger than my church attendance, daily prayers, and bible reading. I developed more of a spiritual practice and less of a religious one. I came to understand more about scriptures through spiritual teachers that would be described as evil in traditional Christian settings. I learned about vibration, affirmative actions, feelings, thoughts, consciousness, alignment, manifestation, and so many concepts filled with light and luminosity. I say learned, but that is not correct. I embodied constructs that I had read about in the scriptures for many years. Everything made more sense. I vacillated between feeling free and thoughts that I was moving too far away from Christian beliefs or teachings. I was engaging in code switching, but not in the traditional sense. For example, when I was at church or around Christians, I was very hyper vigilant to not let any New Age words slip out of my mouth. When I was not at church or around Christians, I felt free to express myself differently. I felt like I was on a split path.

I started a book club in 2008 and a bible study group in 2009. I used Google Group, Meetup, Facebook, and Twitter to connect and engage with people. So ahead of the times. Taught a women’s bible class at a homeless shelter twice a month. By 2014 I had stopped all the activities and joined a nondenominational church. I walked off the spiritual path and assimilated back into being a good Christian. I would occasionally listen at a message from one of the spiritual teachers, but I could not focus. I used to read for hours, and I could no longer read. I went to church faithfully and I was becoming increasingly detached. In 2023, I joined a newly formed group at church, and I thought this would be a way for me to connect. However, I inwardly knew the leaders were instructed to not use me in any of the key roles. I kept attending but in October 2023 a deep family crisis pulled me away and I was no longer able to take part in weekly meetings. I still attended services at this church until November 2024.

As of this writing I have purposely not joined a church. I visit two churches with family members, and I enjoy the fellowship but there is no compulsion to join. I am okay with my decision. Life has been difficult, but I know the answers are within me and not inside the walls of a building. I realize that the stony roads in my life are for me to walk through. The answers lie inside of the empowering questions I am willing to ask myself. Inside the quantum field lies all the infinite possibilities that exist. And the unfolding of Why Am I Here will be clear not only to me but to all of those that I interact with. I am on a path of enlightenment and evolution. I did not get off the spiritual path I pressed the slow-motion mode and allowed other experiences onto my path. Today I identify as a believer in the teachings of Jesus Christ and I embody the vast wisdom and teachings of the universe. I still do not know what I am created to do but until I get a concise answer I will continue serving others.

MAGA Has a Distorted View of Christianity

Joy Reid formally anchored a popular show on MSNBC called The Reid Out. Since being asked to leave the network Joy is speaking more openly about America’s decline from a democracy to an authoritarian regime. The message and ministry of Jesus has gotten lost in MAGA [Make America Great Again] dogma. Eighty percent [80%] of Christian evangelicals voted for the current regime and even though many of their lives are being decimated they continue to bow their knee to the cruel want to be dictator. Joy’s Facebook video on a holiday celebrating Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection in my opinion vividly parallels the disparity in His message and that of MAGA “Christians”.

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1C45PQHFNP/?mibextid=wwXIfr

Constitutional Crisis and the Despot

 The United States has been in a constitutional crisis since July 2024, when the Supreme Court ruled that a president has immunity when he or she is in office. I made this video two months ago one day sitting in my home office. The lighting is bad, and the look is not glamorous, but the words were totally unscripted and impromptu. More recently the current occupant of the White House has essentially ignored the ruling of a federal judge and the United States Supreme Court to return someone being imprisoned in an El Salvadorian concentration camp. MAGA wanted a king to worship and now they have one and he is making their lives a living hell. But they asked for it.

Good News Drought

 

Have you ever wished for something remarkable to manifest in your life—like an unexpected financial windfall, a bonus, a refund, or an inheritance? I am someone who lives in the realm of positive expectations, always believing the glass is half full. I thrive on hearing good news and stories of answered prayers. Gratitude is woven into my daily life; I express thanks to God profusely throughout the day. There’s nothing I cherish more than hearing positive physician reports for myself and my family. As a natural-born cheerleader, I take immense joy in seeing people thrive and live their best lives. But lately, I've been yearning for the exhilarating thrill of receiving good news from a different avenue—like an unexpected check in the mail rather than another bill. Just imagining it fills me with excitement.

 However, I must admit that I’ve been wandering through a "good news desert," with no relief in sight. A desert, as defined, is a dry, arid region that receives little rainfall and has sparse vegetation. The word "sparse" perfectly encapsulates my experience of a good news drought. Good news happens, but its occurrence is inconsistent. And rarely does the news extend beyond medical reports. A welcome mirage of waterfalls would be so rejuvenating, yet that’s not my fate. The heat is scorching and unrelenting, and the longed-for water remains a figment of my imagination. My usual upbeat demeanor feels under siege. Some days, the cloud of discouragement looms large. Hope and faith are my secret weapons. Even on my lowest days, I reach for memories when I obtained a good surprise, I check messages on my family chat page, and I get joy in knowing they are doing well. I find joy in knowing what meals they will be eating or preparing. I get joy in hearing about something they watched on television. So those things become the rejuvenating waterfall in what felt like a desert. I will continue to have hope and faith for an exciting, good news experience but in the meantime, the joys of good health, love of family, and community service will have to suffice.

 

 

 

I Promised Myself

 

On October 24, 2024, a month away from the first death anniversary of my oldest brother I took out my journal and penned these words. I promised myself today I wouldn't cry. But I lied. I promised myself today that I would remember you as you lived not as you died. But I didn't. I promised myself today that I would think happy thoughts and laugh when thinking of you. But I couldn't. I promised myself that when I got in the car I wouldn't think about all the times you were seated next to me and we laughed about a story our younger brother told us from the back seat. But I didn't. I promised myself that today I would accept your pure desire to vacate your body temple to live in an immortal one. But I can't. From the place where you now dwell you know all things. You knew leaving the physical realm would give you peace and leave me with grief. You knew that I would shed endless tears but you knew that my inner capacity for resilience would one day, in time, suddenly surface and I would see you as you now see yourself. Happy, whole, complete, worry-free, healed, and totally void of the cares of this world. 

Soar high, big brother. I know you hate seeing the tears, but you wouldn't trade your current existence for one second in the physical realm. My love for you is endless and without borders. I miss you every second of every day. So today, I promise myself to wait for the sudden moment when thoughts of you will "bring a smile to my face before bringing a tear to my eye." I love you brother I did the best I could. I would do it again for you if I could. Rest well big brother. I love you forever and always.

Otherization, Algorithms, and Freedom

Otherization is defined as labeling and defining people or groups as "the Other," which can reinforce power imbalances and lead to negative consequences. The word algorithm is defined as a process or set of rules to be followed in calculations or other problem-solving operations, especially by a computer. Lastly, freedom is defined as the state of encompassing the ability to act, speak, think, and believe without restriction or interference. 

For the past few weeks, I’ve been viewing videos from around the world capturing various groups of people protesting against their government policies. In each instance there’s a global message of people feeling they’ve been categorized as “the other”. Social media platforms are used to organize “the others” and information has the ability to be shared in nanoseconds. Computerized algorithms gather information from millions of people in seconds. Additionally, the ability to share information from one platform to the other replicates videos and commentaries thereby increasing the quantity of the content. In a minuscule amount of time multiplied millions of people are added to “the other” classification and protests grow. Individuals who’ve never considered themselves as political are standing along roadsides with homemade signs expressing their discontent over an array of topics. People are mad as hell and they’re “not going to take it anymore”. They’re finding their voice inside of what feels like a void echo chamber. Many protesters and activists are afraid because living in a world where privacy no longer exists puts their lives and those of their families in jeopardy. However, they will not allow their quest for freedom to be snuffed out by fear. They want to be protected and treated with dignity and respect. They want enough money for housing, education, emergencies, medical care, and leisure. They are tired of paying inordinate amounts of taxes while multi-billionaires and their corporations pay fewer taxes than they do. They are angry about being discriminated against because of the skin color and gender orientation. They want to be seen, heard, and valued as a human being. They are no longer allowing elected officials to lie to them. They are demanding the truth. They know their freedom is on the line and being silent and yelling at a screen will not evoke any change. Getting involved is the only option.

Theoretically, otherizing identities marginalized people. However, the theory is backfiring because marginalization is a battle cry for freedom and the masses are forming while simultaneously speaking truth to power.

AM I LIVING IN A SIMULATION?

I used to live on a planet called Earth in a country called the United States of America, but I don’t recognize anything. The surroundings are unfamiliar, and breathing requires an oxygen tank because the air is deadly and toxic. While stumbling around with my oxygen mask on I’m reminded of a concept called democracy. My mind starts reeling and thoughts come pouring through such as what happened to the Constitution, civil rights, the Supreme Court, Congress, the House of Representatives, separation of church and state, privacy, human rights, friendly alliances, and allegiances? These days life feels like an amalgamation of the popular show Stranger Things and The Matrix. In other words, it feels like a simulation. Am I living inside a video game, a weird movie, or a streaming series? 

The action of the current leader feels like a poorly designed video game. I’m no gamer but I raised one. Excellent video games are described as those that are beatable with a degree of difficulty. However, the unstable situation within the United States makes it impossible to land in the winner’s circle because the rules of engagement change several times a day. There are constant challenges in how to obtain information. Should I get news from legacy, social, podcasters, or independent media? The news cycle seems to be intentionally spiraling to keep everyone unbalanced. Add this instability to the everyday challenges of life and the feelings of an out-of-body experience are guaranteed. I must develop a strategy to stay tuned in and grounded without being overwhelmed. So how can these challenges be approached? The things that are being done are so bombastic and erratic. Daily I’ve been saying to God how far are you going to let this go on. So many vulnerable people are being hurt. Young children, people living with disabilities, and the elderly are going to suffer and some will die because of the decisions of two people. Millions of citizens elected this person to lead them and their families. Additionally, they elected representatives from their respective states to ensure the Constitution is upheld and their rights are not violated. However, each of these Republican representatives has vehemently abdicated their sworn oaths and is silenced with fear. They have ignored their constituents, and many refused to attend town halls and hear from people who voted for them. It’s only been seven weeks and America has been hit with a massive wrecking ball. I live in a poor red state that depends on numerous government subsidies to survive. Yet the Republican representatives elected to be a voice for their constituents are going along with this cruelty and mind-numbing behavior. 

Everything is truly upside down and millions of Americans have taken the blue pill instead of the red one and are living in an illusion downloaded to them by the Republican party. Unfortunately, they are living in The Matrix.